Parody News
June 24, 2005 Posted by Roger Overton
Firefighters announced today the end of major fire combat. “We're
not out of the woods. Are we feeling good about it? Yes,” said Jim
Clawson, a liaison officer with the team fighting the fire. The fire has
raged through 46,000 acres in Arizona destroying ten cabins and two homes.
Happy Fish, director of Nature’s Environment Now (N.E.N.),
issued a press release responding to this move by fire officials. “They’re not
telling the American citizens the entire story. The wind may have shifted
directions, but the fire’s still blazing. The reality is that they have no real
timetable to remove our people from the front lines. If nature started the
fire, nature will end it when the timing’s right.”
Mr. Fish’s call for a timetable was echoed by an Arizona
government official, “What we need is a strategy for fighting fires. We don’t
have one. Meanwhile our tax dollars are being wasted fighting a fire with no
end in sight, also while putting our children, spouses, parents, siblings,
cousins, roommates, neighbors, and party crashers in extreme danger. For the
good of the people of Arizona our people need to come home and come home soon.”
Bewildered by these statements, a fire chief
responded, “They simply fail to understand the nature of fire. It’s not
something we can control. We do our best to fight it and most of the time we
succeed. Our men are doing an outstanding job and will continue to do so. Going
home now will only put more homes and properties at risk. We don’t determine
the end of combat by how long it’s gone on or by how much loss we've sustained, but by achieving victory. When the
fire’s gone we’ll come home.”
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