Interview with Alex Chediak- Part I

September 28, 2005 Posted by Roger Overton

The
following is Part I of my interview with Alex Chediak on the new book
he edited- 5 Paths to the Love of Your Life: Defining Your Dating
Style. In the book, 5 perspectives on relationships are offered by
Lauren F. Winner, Douglas Wilsion, Rick Holland, Jonthan Lindvall, and
Jeramy & Jerusha Clark. A preview of the book is available on the publisher's site.

ROGER: Alex,
thank you for making yourself available for us. There's been plenty of
Christian material published over the past decade or so on dating. What makes
this book, Five Paths to the Love of Your Life, different from all the
others?

ALEX: Roger,
thank you for this opportunity.   One
thing that’s different about this book is that it provides a panel discussion
with a number of contributors (therefore the title, “Five Paths….”). The
contributors’ views on this topic more or less represent the spectrum of
perspectives on premarital romance practiced in western culture. So for those unfamiliar with recent
literature, this book can be a kind-of “one stop shopping” to get the big
picture on the issue—because you learn not just what one person thinks, or how
one couple met and married, but how five diverse authors approach the
issue. For example, I know one pastor
who is reading this book with his teenage daughter as she is just beginning to
think through these issues. And for
those who have read other books, and perhaps have developed concrete opinions
on relationships, this book will help them learn in what ways other people
approach premarital romance similarly or differently than they do. And that can be especially crucial if one
wishes to develop a budding relationship with such a person—or simply have an
educated, informed dialogue. Hopefully
inaccurate stereotypes will be dismantled and the nitty-gritty can be
graciously discussed.   Singles can
wrestle through distinctions between principles and methods, between what the
Bible describes and what the Bible prescribes.

Another
unique feature about this book is whereas many dating books are more
anecdotal–they tell a nice story of how two people met and married—each chapter
in this book first provides a super-structure of how that particular
contributor approaches relationships in general. In other words, they present a model with a
scripturally-informed, biblical rationale—granted, one that may or may not
ultimately convince the reader. Only
after providing this foundation, they apply their approach to three
scenarios: one involving two high
school-age teens, another involving a pair of college students, and the third
involving a single woman in her thirties.
Each has different family and relational community (some Christian, some
non-Christian). The scenarios then
really tease out what the contributors have in common and where they see things
differently. There has been a lot of
interested in this book from college ministries, for example. It is even ideal for classroom discussion in
Christian ministry courses. I know
several instances in which the book is being used in this way.

ROGER: I’ve met
a number of people who either don’t think much about their approach to romantic
relationships or mix various approaches together. Is there really a need for
Christians to study the art of relationships and settle down on a formal
approach?

ALEX: Hmmm. The analogy
that comes to mind is the often-asked question: “Why study theology in a systematic fashion? Isn’t it enough to just read the
Bible?” The reality is, every
Christian has a systematic theology—though it may be poorly or totally
uninformed. Studying the various
perspectives that Christians throughout history and today hold on matters such
as justification, sanctification, spiritual gifts, the role of the law in the
life of the believer, creation/intelligent design, (to name a few) can be a
helpful exercise. For one, it brings
the Christian outside herself and causes her to think critically about why she
believes and practices what she does.
It exposes her to people who think differently, and she can join the
noble company of the Bereans, “examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things
were so”. (Acts 17:11) Or, in the words of I Thes 5:11, we should
“test everything; hold fast to what is good.”

I think this principle applies to many areas of life,
including romantic relationships.
Everyone has both principles and methods (though they may be all jumbled
up, as you suggest, Roger) that they bring to this issue. And the real test comes when your would-be
“significant other” brings a totally set of assumptions to the table. Now how do you communicate? And again, as I mentioned in my first
response, for parents and teenagers wanting to gain a “big picture” perspective
on relationships, a book like this one is invaluable. It’s the only book out there of its kind. Pastors, too, have a particular need to
“study the art of relationships” (especially if they work with singles) as
doing so will significantly prepare them for the sort of
discipleship/counseling questions that arise.
Singles today are in a different world than they were thirty years ago
and the landscape is rapidly changing.
But now I’m reverting to my answer to your first question, Roger…..as to
how different sorts of people (including pastors, and dating “veterans”) can
benefit from this book.

ROGER:
Three of the five “paths” in the book say that “dating,” to some degree, is
acceptable. Could you briefly lay out these perspectives and their differences?

ALEX: Winner, Clark, and Holland are all comfortable with the term
“dating”, and like you say, they find it acceptable in a number of
circumstances. There is a lot of
similarity between these three perspectives, although each is written with the
unique personality and style of its author.
All emphasize the importance of chastity, personal holiness, and of
keeping one’s eyes on the Lord above all else.
They all value the importance of community and parental involvement,
rather than “going it alone”. It was an
honor for me to be associated with each of these great thinkers and writers.

One slight difference might be how they approached the
scenario I presented (Jenny and David) of two high school age teens considering
dating one another. Holland suggests
caution in this case, as, in his view, dating should only happen when marriage
is a realistic and age-appropriate possibility. Winner and Clark seem more open to various avenues where they
can safely but honestly explore their interest in one another. For Winner, dating should have an
orientation toward marriage, although it is not imperative that all dating
relationships will or should end in marriage.
For the Clarks, part of the reason for dating is the personal and
spiritual refinement that can result, if young men and women accept the
responsibilities that come with it, namely personal commitment to holiness and
clear communication with others. So
hopefully that’s enough of a “teaser” without getting me into too much trouble.:) I
encourage you to read the book and let the contributors speak for
themselves!